At 38 (or 39 weeks... pending which due date calculator you believe) weeks pregnant, I'm mentally & physically finished. My back hurts (but still nowhere near the pain I had with Elynor). I'm exhausted. I'm "sleeping" on the couch (Elynor now calls it my bed). You get my drift... I'm doing my very best to not whine. But considering the ease with which Elynor asks, "Your back hurt Mama!?", "Why you say 'ahhh...' or 'grrr...' or 'golly, golly...' Mama?", followed by, "You'll be okay, Mama?!", I'm not sure how well I'm doing.
The house seems ready. We're 99% set on a name. My hair is freshly highlighted and cut. You know, all the important prep. ;)
And I think we're about as mentally ready as possible. I'm terrified about having a newborn again, but trust it will all come back to us... and I'm hopeful the beauty of perspective will help us to be more laid back about all the inevitable bumps. I'm possibly more terrified about the idea of being at home with an active toddler and newborn. Since going back to work, I really only spend one day a week solo and I'm usually wiped by the end. I already predict I'll be very ready to return in May, if not before.
The reality that this little girl *may* not be exactly like Elynor has also recently hit. First off in looks. It's challenging to picture this child and not see Elynor's early dark (latina-esque) curls and chubbiness. But I guess she could be bald, though probably not skinny. :) And after a rocky start with nursing, sleeping, and no clothes fitting her at the hospital, we've been blessed with amazing health and fantastic eating/sleeping. But a few weeks ago the light bulb went on to at least be prepared for differences here too. I haven't gone down the path of exploring all the specific scenarios we could face - not sure that's healthy - but I think my heart and mind are at least softened to the reality.
So all of this is to say we're somewhere in a strange middle place - longing to replace the challenges of today with the moments anticipated tomorrow - savoring the sweet times as a family of 3, knowing tomorrow will no doubt present new challenges of its own.
The following passage has provided me great encouragement in the past few weeks - calling me to not just live in the present, but to take comfort and find joy in God's intentional purpose and plan for it.
For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant & a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, an a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.
- Ecclesiastes 3:1-8