Friday, October 12, 2007

If I worked for the Baby Whisperer

As you loyal readers know, this week was Baby Bootcamp for Elynor & me. We stayed in most days (the yucky weather made this easy) and worked very hard to teach her to sleep in her own bed. This has involved using the "shhh patting" technique, which you can learn more about in the book, The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems, (I hate that book title, by the way... I mean, can she shrink my stomach back to it's pre-baby size? can she make sure a parking spot is always available right in front of my building?) any time she sleeps. With great effort we have made tremendous progress. Though, as with any training program, I'm sure a few more weeks will be necessary to really master this skill.

Anyway, during my many hours of leaning over the crib ssshhhhh patting, I've had lots of time to think. This morning I came up with several new product ideas that I would get to market ASAP if I worked for the Baby Whisperer company. What do you think? Should I be in touch with some of my designer friends?
1. Mama Spit Shield: Go ahead, try doing a long and loud SHHHHH. Now try doing 5 - 10 long and loud SHHHH's. Is your computer screen covered in spit? Kinda gross, huh? Now imagine doing this to your child's hair and face multiple times a day. I suppose I can think of more disgusting things, but something about spitting all over my child is not a story I'd like to tell her some day. I think a simple Mama Spit Shield could be created... Something you strap to your face and block this icky shower.

2. Recorded SHHH Device: If the Mama Spit Shield doesn't do it for you, just forget Shhhing yourself all together (it does start to hurt your lips after awhile). I can't think of a creative name right now, so this SHHHH device would simply have unending SHHHING contained in a handy little device. All you'd have to do is push a button and hold it near your child's ears for hours of SHHHHing fun. If you wanted to get really fancy, this pocket-sized device could also have a little flashlight for middle of the night SHHHING.

3. Arm Extentions: As my arms and back were hurting this morning, I was thinking about Inspector Gadget's go-go gadget arms. How cool would it be to have arms that extended on demand? But since I don't see this happening any time soon, this product would be an improvisation. Something you hook to your wrists or elbows to extend the length of your arms, and hence, your patting ability while saving your wrists, back, and any other muscles from unnecessary pain.

4. Shhh Patting Cushion: This could be marketed with the arm extensions. Leaning over a crib for long periods of time means resting your ribs, collar bone, or boobs on a wooden crib bar. Ouch. This SHHH Patting cushion isn't a novel concept. Simply a small pillow that hooks around the crib railing protecting moms & dads from the injuries associated with this parenting gig.

5. Shhh Patting Bed: Okay, this is the big kahuna. Basically, packaging all of the above in a very stylish bed with the SHHH Patting or Baby Whisperer trademark. It's The Sleep Number bed for babies (or parents). It's sold through Pottery Barn, Land of Nod or an even higher-end kid's store. Definitely not at Babies R' Us or Target. But I think there's a market here... you know, for the folks with Bugaboo strollers, wipe warmers, designer jeans at 3 months, etc.
Really, I need to get these ideas into development... and be on my way to moving up to a place with a parking place, a second bathroom, and maybe even floors that don't squeak!


AKA said...

I bought a white noise machine when the shhhing got old. (Others just buy a CD.) Well worth the $19 - and Kylee sleeps still with it. She can't hear as many noises in our little house and when the heat or AC are off, we can't hear her crazy sleeping noises.

The Warner Four said...

Us too, the sound machines are nice! You are hilarious and your ideas are great. You've definately had time to think :) Love, Court

SheWesty said...

yep, we got a womb sounds crib bear last week and it has sure helped my lips and reduced the spit accumulations in elynor's thick head of hair. i just wish you could speed up/slow down the speed of the womb sounds for times when she's a little more worked up and needs a stronger/faster shhhing.... oh well, i guess i can't abdicate all participation. i am her mom afterall. :)

The Warner Four said...

You should check out They have every mother's invention--from useful to ridiculous! Maybe you could market your products on there :) Brent enjoyed hearing your ideas as well, it was good for a couple laughs :) Love, Courtney

Liz Mouse said...

Oh wow - someone already posted about I was really tempted to buy the lifesize hands that you sleep with so they they take on your smell and then you can lay them on your child when she sleeps. Fake hands and fake Shhhh noise and there you go!